husbant verbal abuse.is it normal?please advice?
lovepeace asked:
my hubby is not in good mood due to his work…and screams over small things and make it sound like my mistake….he even swears and later said he is not swearing at me just to himself… just because he got angry…he can immediately change the good atmosphere into bad….and few minutes later comes over starts kissing and being nice…
-but when i told him that he was being rude he said no i was just upset and talking normally…
-or why you didn’t do it the first time i told you…
-we are married for long
-he is polite otherwise most of the time…but 3 years ago he did the same for months again due to job problem.
what can i do????tell me please
i have done talking but doesn’t seems to work
-i don’t want it to get worst
-i want to make him realize that it totally upsets me and stresses me out
-when he snaps i just want to pack up and leave…
i asked him to take anger managment while ago…when i pushed him hard he behaived for long time but did not do the therapy…recently we come across some rough patch and still recovering…
Lyle
my hubby is not in good mood due to his work…and screams over small things and make it sound like my mistake….he even swears and later said he is not swearing at me just to himself… just because he got angry…he can immediately change the good atmosphere into bad….and few minutes later comes over starts kissing and being nice…
-but when i told him that he was being rude he said no i was just upset and talking normally…
-or why you didn’t do it the first time i told you…
-we are married for long
-he is polite otherwise most of the time…but 3 years ago he did the same for months again due to job problem.
what can i do????tell me please
i have done talking but doesn’t seems to work
-i don’t want it to get worst
-i want to make him realize that it totally upsets me and stresses me out
-when he snaps i just want to pack up and leave…
i asked him to take anger managment while ago…when i pushed him hard he behaived for long time but did not do the therapy…recently we come across some rough patch and still recovering…
Lyle
Tags: Advice, Atmosphere
June 14th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Harrison
yes it is normal…for an ABUSER!
June 16th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Kerri
When he takes out his anger on you over something that
has nothing to do with you….make sure he knows it!
Tell him “You are taking out your anger on me. I did
nothing wrong and want an apology!”
He has to face that his behavior is not normal or acceptable.
Best wishes
June 18th, 2009 at 9:08 am
Leighton
It seems like your husband has anger issues. Some people don’t know how to handle stress and act out this way. He is trying to justify his actions by telling you he is not yelling at you but is yelling at himself.
Suggest he go to anger management. If he refuses then you need to decide if you want to live like this. Because if he doesn’t want to go, he will never change. Good luck.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Paul
When he starts it, remove yourself from the situation. Go to the park, the mall, anywhere to get away. Tell him you love him, but it’s wrong for him to do that to you. Telll him it hurts when he does that and you can’t sit around and take it anymore. He’s going to feel awfully silly ranting to himself. Say,”Go look at yourself in the mirror when you’re ranting and raving and see how silly you look.” and then leave. Don’t be mean; don’t be rude; just leave.
You’re right: talking does no good, but actions will. Try it and see!!
June 21st, 2009 at 4:59 am
Greg
Who is to say what is or isn’t normal. But it sure isn’t right. If it were me and it has been in the past I would do something to make him understand that you will not put up with being treated like this. kinda like a shock therapy.
June 24th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Louise
It is never normal for anybody to verbally abuse their marrage partner at anytime, while it is normal for there to be time’s stress during a marriage, it is not permission to start putting down or treating the other as less than a normal person.
You need to sit down and have a long talk with him about that, and if he don’t want to do that, then leave and either find somebody who will respect you for yourself or what ever else it takes to get away from it.
June 26th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Colin
The way to talk to him is to say how you feel, to express your FEELINGS in words. When he swears loudly, say to him “I feel upset”, “I feel stressed when you curse like that” “I feel like I just want to pack up and leave” Don’t tell him what he’s doing wrong ( you saw how he justified himself by calling it ‘normal” and you both know it was not). Don’t blame. You can say, “When you are having problems in your life, I am not available to have your upset/anger poured out on me. I am available to listen to your troubles if you want to share them with me in a courteous way.” Hope this helps.