Nahshon Roberts asked:


When you installed surveillance cameras complete with CCTV in your home as a precaution against nanny abuse and against burglar break-ins, you never thought that sibling abuse could also be captured on film. You simply thought that the long-standing sibling rivalry between your two children was just that - simple sibling rivalry.

What then do you do when you discover that sibling rivalry has escalated to the more virulent form of sibling abuse? Here is a short guide.

What Is Sibling Abuse?

Before you go judging your children, be very sure that what you see on CCTV is indeed sibling abuse. A definition is in order:

“Sibling abuse is the pathological and traumatic abuse of one sibling over another sibling. This can span the range of emotional, verbal, physical and sexual abuses usually inflicted by an older or larger sibling either on a one-time basis or over a sustained period.”

You should also look out for signs of sibling abuse, which can be corroborated by CCTV footages like:

* The abused child avoids the other in a noticeable way.

* There are changes in behavior including sleep patterns and eating habits. You can install a small camera in the child’s bedroom for this purpose.

* The roles are always clearly defined: one child is the victim, the other is the aggressor.

* There is a pattern of increased intensity of aggression, which you do not need the unerring eyes of your CCTV camera for.

You should also look out for risk factors than have contributed to your suspicions of sibling abuse like your frequent absence from home, your playing favorites, and your collection of pornographic movies. Of course, this is not to say that you share all the blame but it cannot be denied that you are the thinking adult in this case.

What Can You Do?>

You need not rush to the family psychiatrist with the CCTV footages or immediately confront the children about your suspicions. There are things you can do to nip the problem in the bud, especially when there you do not suspect sexual abuse. You can:

* Separate the children when physical and verbal abuse ensues. If possible, you should provide for separate bedrooms to avoid situations where every little thing can set off the nuclear war.

* Set a family meeting to discuss issues gather information on feelings and facts, and come up with mutual solutions. The key is to find a solution that addresses the problem for everybody concerned rather than looking for escape goats and Band Aid solutions.

* Make adjustments to yourself so that you do not appear to play favorites with any of the children. Often, sibling rivalry and sibling abuse are the result of one child feeling like the underdog or the most favorite one. Either way, you have a problem that needs solutions.

* Help your child manage their anger and frustrations. More importantly, this means that you have to be a role model of clam and patience for your children - manage your anger instead of your anger managing you!

* Continue monitoring your children’s interactions at home even when you are at work. The CCTV system should help you in this area; just be sure they know nothing about it or they might take their activities elsewhere.

If all else fails, then you should seek professional help. However, be sure that your child understands the reasons instead of just shoving him in front of the therapist.



Kerri

anonymous asked:


re often the instruments of change for adult children in abusive relationships. And at the same time, they can also impede the change process. The Process Yields the Result

Psychotherapy is a process; it’s not an injection. Even though there are psychotherapeutic techniques that can have immediate impact, the whole of it is a process.

I liken it to growing a vegetable garden. When you plant the seeds for your vegetable garden, what do you do?

Let’s say we are planting tomatoes. You plant your tomato seeds and may add some fertilizer to the soil, and you nurture your tomatoes-to-be along the way with water and care.

You certainly don’t yank up the roots to make sure it is indeed growing, do you? If you did that, then what would happen to your tomatoes? Obviously, doing so would impede the growth process. Even worse, it would bring it to a halt.

How You Can Help Your Adult Child Benefit from Psychotherapy

When you sponsor therapy for another person as is done with parents of young adults in abusive relationships, keep in mind that therapy is a growth process just like any other growth process.

And if there is something in your adult child’s life that inspired you to initiate such a process, then you hold the responsibility to support it along the way, not dissect it to death.

If you are a parent who believes your child is in an abusive relationship and you have initiated psychological care for your child, allow the process to unfold. Have faith in the fact that the psyche longs harmony and well-being. It’s inevitable that this is the direction people go with proper intervention.

If you question the process and intermittently yank up the roots, you will be wasting your child’s time and your family’s money. Secondly, if you inspire such an intervention for your adult child, there will be a need for commitment on your part to this process as well.

Request an estimated time frame from the therapist for the course of therapy. And, if you elect to assess things at some designated point along the way, do so with the understanding that you are indeed looking at work in progress.

Your commitment to and faith in the process is the gift you give to the adult child you have inspired into therapy. Keep it at that, and your adult child will change and will grow.



Gary

Helga Hayse asked:


dlen wrote a gripping novel a few years ago about a woman who tries to escape from her husband who is abusing her. Because her husband is a cop, she fears he will find her with the same techniques he uses in his detective work.

The case of Drew Peterson, a policeman in Bollingbrook, Illinois, is still under investigation in the disappearance of his fourth wife Stacy. His third wife, whose body was dug up for further testing, showed signs of homicide. Relatives of his previous wives tell police he abused them. Peterson says he loves his wife and pleads with her to return. Authorities have never located Stacy’s body. No one has heard from her.

One of the earliest signs of future abusive behavior is financial control. A husband controls the purse strings, refusing to share financial information with his wife but expecting that she account for every choice and every penny spent.

Many women suffer in silence, telling themselves that their husband?s controlling behavior is a personality quirk.They may still have access to joint finances, reasonable mobility and buying choices. They are frustrated by their husband?s attitude and behavior, but they don?t live with a gnawing sense of fear.

Financial abuse is different.

It is behavior designed to isolate a woman into a state of complete financial dependence. The most important thing to remember about financial abuse is that the abuser is not out of control. He can, at the drop of a hat, change his behavior to suit the social circumstances. He can be charming and persuasive, but his objective is to isolate his partner and make her dependence on him total.He is deliberately choosing to control his partner?s behavior by cutting off her access to money, mobility and choice.

Financial abuse can often lead to physical abuse as well. It happens within all age ranges, educational levels, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The rich socialite who lives in the largest house in the best neighborhood is as likely to be a victim of financial abuse as the poorest wife in the toughest section of town.

Where do you draw the line?

You may know someone whom you suspect is being financially abused and feel helpless. After her husband went on a physical rampage during an argument about money, a local socialite was rushed to the hosptial with multiple fractures. He is the CEO of one of the country?s largest financial institutions.

After a brief mention in the local newspaper, the story disappeared from all police reports and press archives. This incident is not unique; it happens more often than we realize.

On the other hand, you may not know that your neighbor, acquaintance or friend is a financial hostage because she won?t tell you. You may know her husband, and never suspect a thing. He?s not out of control or under the influence of drugs or alcohol. We might label his behavior difficult, eccentric or unpleasant, but we don?t intervene

The thing to remember about financial abuse is that it functions on a continuum of emotional, verbal and ultimately physical abuse. The abuser?s objective is control.

Signs of Financial Abuse

Controlling the finances.

Withholding money or credit cards.

Giving you an allowance.

Making you account for every penny you spend.

Stealing from you or taking your money.

using your assets for his personal benefit.

Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).

Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.

Sabotaging your job (making you miss work or calling constantly, etc.)

If something about your relationship with your husband or partner scares you and you need to talk, you can get help by contacting the following:

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to Http://www.nrcdv.org .

http://feminist.org/911/crisis.html - This website lists the numbers and locations of domestic violence hotlines for the 50 states.



Lyle