RAMAN KUMAR SHARMA asked:


Isolation is one of the mechanisms used to create and maintain domination of one person over another.

Evolution of isolation in abusive relationships

It often evolves so gradually that you don’t realize it’s happening until you wake-up one day and notice you have no friends and your contact with your own family has vanished.

Now the funny thing is that as your icy isolation is being groomed, you’re conditioned to believe that it is “good for you.” (There’s that conditioning, again.)

You’re told things like this person is not worthy of your company, that person is undesirable to your partner, another poses a threat to your relationship. For more details you can visit at www.the-spam-files.com there are as many reasons for you not to have people in your life, other than your partner, as there were people in you life before the abusive relationship.

And when you internalize your partner’s perception of his/her preferences with respect to the people being walled out of your life, you are rewarded. Sometimes this reward maybe in the form of a positive gesture by your partner. Or, it may present as the absence of a previously negative spill of verbal emotional abuse when you failed to comply with the walling off of this particular person.

How this isolation serves your partner

There are several ways in which your isolation serves your partner and helps maintain the abuse in your relationship.

a) Your isolation creates a relationship climate of dependence, as there are no other adults in your personal orbit other than your partner.

b) Your isolation creates an exterior shield of silence regarding the abuse in your home.

c) Your isolation serves to silence you from yourself with respect to your abusive relationship.

What you can do to overcome icy isolation of an abusive relationship

If you are in an abusive relationship, the “other” people falling out of your personal orbit may very well be your first tip-off that something is not right at home. you can also visit at www.tips-getting-healthy.com When you notice yourself participating in the narrowing of your personal social circle, take a hard and honest look at all of the defining characteristics of abusive relationships. 

If your relationship has progressed and you see yourself in many ways “stuck” or merely trying to work things out with your partner, make a personal commitment to yourself to keep at least one channel of contact with someone near and dear open always, even if you have to do so secretly. This person could be your lifeline in a time of need.



Pauline

Joan Masterson asked:


One of the most vital tools needed in any relationship is forgiveness. This forgiveness is a means of letting your partner know that you realize they are human and will make mistakes. If you love your partner but find yourself involved in an abusive relationship then understanding how to save an abusive relationship if you really know that it is worth it, can be useful. Abuse in a relationship can be physical, mental or economical, and in some cases even sexual. The abuse may also come from either partner in the relationship and the person that is suffering under the attacks can be badly affected in more ways than one.

Depending on your feelings towards your partner that is abusing you, it may be between a decision of trying to rescue the relationship by knowing how to save an abusive relationship, or rather terminating it completely for your own physical and mental health. Verbal and emotional abuse in the form of insults, rejection and isolation can cause you to be brainwashed and thus develop an inferiority complex. Economical abuse comes in the form of control of all the finances and refusal that you can spend any money even for your own personal requirements. Physical abuse is self explanatory coming in the form of battering and injuring you bodily. All forms of abuse in a relationship are unacceptable, and you should ask your self the reasons why you would like to know how to save an abusive relationship and whether it is really worth it.

Dealing with any sort of abuse in a relationship is both stressful and results in low quality of life because you will suffer, no matter what sort of abuse you are experiencing. In the early stages of the relationship you may not even be aware that your partner has abusive tendencies and these may surface afterwards. If you want to know how to save an abusive relationship then you must ask yourself many questions first. Probably the most pertinent of all is whether your abusive partner can and is prepared to seek therapy to change as well.

As your relationship develops the first signs of abuse may begin to surface as you start becoming familiar with each other. Some warning signs can be where a partner demands constant attention, rushes the relationship towards the next level, extreme feelings of jealousy and the desire to be the controlling force in the relationship. The abused partner can become terrified and expectant of the next attack and self esteem can become eroded. Although you may love your partner deeply and wish to look for ways how to save an abusive relationship it takes some thought of whether it can be worth it over the longer term.

Find out what the pros and cons of the relationship are, and whether it is possible that your partner is also prepared to find a solution to the issues underlying why they are abusive. Carefully assess these problems regarding how to save an abusive relationship and why you feel the need to save it.



Kerri

Francis Githinji asked:


Sometimes love is blind and we can’t see even what is in front of our own eyes. Many lovers interpret relationship abuse as acts of love. A woman who is dangerously hit by a husband out of jealousy brushes it off as an act of love. Don’t they quote the bible to support their acts of impunity? Love is jealousy so they say. To know abuse for what it is, take the following abusive relationship quiz. The quiz will help you to address any relationship problems and fix all the misinterpreted acts. The first question you should ask yourself is whether you are afraid of your partner. If the answer is no there are better chances that it is just a misunderstanding. If the answer is yes, i am afraid you might be in an abusive romantic relationship.

Do you fear tantrums? I hate them and you should beware of them. Number two in my abusive relationship quiz list is whether you have to literary walk on eggshells to avoid annoying your partner. A relationship should create a conducive environment where lovers can share their inner feelings without fearing to be condemned or hurt. In a tense environment love and passion can never blossom. If your answer was yes, you are in an abusive relationship and you should consider leaving. Verbal abuse can be more traumatizing than the physical abuse. It affects the way we view ourselves and put us down completely. If your partner throws insults, ignores you, acts in a demeaning manner or utter belittling comments you are being mistreated in an unhealthy relationship.

Love can be looked at in many different perspectives. “Nobody can tell me what to do except my husband.” Aren’t we all familiar with such utterances? There is a difference between a loving and caring partner and a control-flicked out partner. The former is usually secure and has no trust issues. On the other hand, the latter is a person who suffers from insecurity and  he/she is very selfish. To differentiate the two, a question to ask yourself is: Does your partner tell you who to choose as your friends, how to dress, where to go and control some elements in your life? If this is the case, this is not a loving relationship it is an abusive relationship. Abusive relationship quiz features a question on whether your partner gets jealous unnecessarily.

A healthy romantic relationship speaks for itself. The couple might try to hide the truth but it is not about the public opinion. It is all about the abused person. As a victim, stop putting happy faces and evaluate the situation. Is your man physically violent? Look for a solution before the situation aggravates. While answering the abusive relationship quiz you will find in the list questions such as: Does your other half have extreme mood swings? Does he/she threaten you to an extent you control yourself not to provoke him? Does he/she make important financial decisions without bothering to consult you? If you answer yes to most of these questions, you are definitely in a relationship that does you more harm than good. Address the issue before it is too late.



Louise

Charles Keel asked:


Abusive relationship is a growing concern and should be more investigated for accountability. Men and women who are making their partners life a misery should be brought to justice and humiliated in public. Sorry it makes me angry. Having said that, how do you know your partner is an abuser? What are the warning signs you should look for?

Statistics(FBI) have proofed that abusers tend to be male who have had an excess of porn magazines/movies and are addicted to this kind of depraved needs. As in most porn, a woman is shown little respect and as such the viewer begins to believe and to takes note.

It is not about social, political, economic or inequalities. The survey results returned negative. There many factors and this is one of them.

Signs to watch out for:

Slaps, lots of verbal abuse, grabbing, holding, raising hands in anger.

Pushing destroys your personal belongings, damages furniture and walls during a fight.

Stops you from seeing your friends or family.

Shows extreme jealousy of others, make false statement against you.

Physically forces you to have sex against your will.

Threatens to hurt you if you do not obey.

Stops you from going out with friends.

Complete control is their goal, so seek advice and if it occurred in recent times. Identify what the situation really is before you make your final decision as this can be a costly mistake. For instance their behavior patterns should be noted for sometime, before you pack your bags to leave.

It is unhealthy to be in such a relationship as it is demeaning to you and destroys your soulwork. The abuser becomes more narcissists in character believing in their new power.

In previous years and decades the system has failed to formulate a way of ironing out these people as it is seen as within closed doors and the saying your home is your castle does not help deep rooted, narrow minded authorities to deal with the issue.

Why do partners in abusive relationship stay? It might surprise you but it is human instincts why they choose to stay.

Dependency

Fear being hounded for the rest of their life.

Things will get better

Fear of the unknown and failure

Cultural, social, and religious values

Love the abusive partner, possibility of change

How can you get out of this situation? Inform your family and friends who should then start visiting you on a more regular basis. If you do not have any family or friends (I hope not) pack your most essential items and leave when you can before he notices your absence. Run like hell to a safe place!

Visit your GP (doctor), go the police station or call the police. But in doing so the situation will worsen as the police will not act on it but only advice you. So, seek shelter in a womans refuge home or a friend, family. There are numerous places and you need to have a net connection to see the possibilities of having a normal and wonderful life again.



Lee